What We Do Is Secret

Ch-ch-changes

2010-08-19T07:23:00.001-07:00

New home: http://imonyourteam.blogspot.com/

Not Tonight

2010-05-17T19:08:00.000-07:00

I just won't do.

Sit tight, kiddies. What We Do Is Secret is going to have a nice little make-over. But, not tonight.

Blood on Our Hands

2010-05-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

I won't hate you if you go away.

When is my salvation?

Resolution

2010-04-18T13:26:00.001-07:00

I know what you're thinking, this probably sounds rehearsed.

This is a public service announcement.

Can I be straight with you for a minute? Your new year's resolutions probably flew out the window the second the clock struck twelve on January second. For most of us, that little list consisted of egocentric goals such as "lose ten pounds" or "stop eating processed foods." But, what about goals such as "be kind to others" and "donate to charity"?

My friend, Patrick Rivers, is part of Run To End Poverty, an organization that aims to relieve poverty in African countries. Now, Patrick is a swell guy, and it makes me sad to see that he is having a little bit of trouble getting people to sponsor him for his run. If everybody donated five dollars instead of going out to rent a movie this weekend, think of the difference it could make.

Every dollar counts. I donated. Will you?

Hysteric

2010-04-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

These strange steps take us back,
Take us back.

Oh, herro. I am an owl. Love me.

Don't Walk Away Eileen

2010-03-30T20:05:00.000-07:00

Eileen says I'm a boy, not a man.
Crying on the corner with my head in my hands.
I called her name and she ran,
Slipping through my fingers like a fist full of sand.

For reasons unknown to myself and to my victims, I am seldom able to keep a promise. To me, being able to keep a promise is up there with the ability to fly and see through walls. Why has this come to my attention, you may ask?

If I could keep a promise, I would not take your picture. If I could keep a promise, I would stop writing about you. If I could keep a promise, I would use all of this art and life inside of me to do something productive.

I wish I could keep this promise, but keeping promises is hard these days since you broke my heart.

Carry the Zero

2010-03-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

You're so occupied with what other persons are occupied with, and vica versa.

I have come to a sad realization, my friends; I will most likely be standing alone for my class graduation photograph.

Please, do not misunderstand me. I do have friends at university. Let's see... one in political science, two in concurrent education, and two who are moving to Vancouver. Bastards.

I suppose that I am not a very approachable person. However, I do not doubt myself. I know that there is truly something genuine about me, and perhaps it is that "something" that makes others shy away. Believe me, I will not laugh wholeheartedly at your jokes if they are terrible, and I am not about to compliment you on that very... original... Lululemon sweater. But, that's just me.

So, suck it.

Lisztomania

2010-03-12T10:42:00.000-08:00

Think less but see it grow,
Like a riot,
Like a riot, oh.
I'm not easily offended.

Hello, Blogger World. Guess what? Only forty-seven more days until the highly anticipated release of "summer". Can I get a "what what"?

(What what!)

School took a giant shit on my face. Literally. Well, no, not literally. That's disgusting. Anyway, it will be good to be back in my hometown. You see, I have many goals and ambitions for this coming summer. Oh yes, it's going to be big. I...

...

... am probably going to work at Safeway. Yes, I know what you're thinking, and no -- life actually doesn't get better than that.

Cheers.

Trippin' Down the Freeway

2010-03-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

You know that we are gonna be okay.

The following program is brought to you in part by Z's inability to print off the proper lecture for biochemistry, Z's short attention span, and from contributions from viewers like you. Thank you.

"Here I am, sitting in Kingston Hall, room 101. It's not the same without you here. ('It's over, Neo.') I feel half as confident without you around, if that.

I feel lost in this sea of babble. Talks about class and finals, bar night and 'Rape the Cape'. The noise around me fills me with frustration, and the smallest hint of envy.

Oh, biochemistry, how I don't understand you. Your talks of reductions and reactions are too complex to me to fully comprehend. When one thinks in pictures, it is hard to imagine something so small.

'Keep your eye on the prize.' I dream of the day that we are both finished with school, living in a cramped shoebox of an apartment somewhere near Toronto's core. The only time that we will not be close enough to touch is when we are both at work. We will have some cash, some plants, and maybe a little dog we can call our own. We will make our own Thai food and spend our Saturday afternoons at the St. Lawrence Market, looking at vintage rings and comic books. We probably will not purchase either because we know that our dog or potbelly pig (I forgot to mention him) will chew the shit outta it.

Things will be lovely. Instead of spending money on cleaning our disgusting carpets or buying another season of some hilarious new sitcom on Blu Ray, we will go to Sundance or some funky science fiction festival. We will 'marvel' at the young, indie hipsters and remember when it was acceptable to wear old Joy Division tees and ripped denim on a regular basis.

Of course, we will still be young at heart. If we both have the time, we will take a trip to Spadina and venture into the sketchy Chinatown malls. We will eat 'real' Chinese food and spend countless twoonies on those vending machines that dispense knock-off toys from the Digimon series. People will look at us.

Things will be better then. We will not be spending money on uncomfortable bus rides anymore. Instead, we will save that money for an exciting journey to a far away place. Maybe Australia, if you are up for it.

Twenty-six minutes left of class. I am feeling exhausted. Maybe it is because I looked over at the girl in the row across from me, her head on the desk and her eyes closed. Good to know that I am not the only one who is not paying attention today."

Leif Erikson

2010-03-03T13:38:00.000-08:00

She swears I'm a slave to the details.
But if your life is such a big joke, why should I care?

A thought, one that is perhaps even more insignificant than this blog update, has been churning over in my mind lately. I am not sure where this thought originated from (perhaps in the nipple-covered pages of Details magazine), but it has been quite frequent as of late. Feminist readers beware.

"If I were a man, I am most certain that I would be drowning in a sea of female genitalia by now. I bet that chicks would eat this introverted-depression shit right up."

That is all.

Notion

2010-02-08T21:24:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to know if I could go home...

I am inspired to write today by a dear friend, one who I have known for several years. In fact, now that I think about it, this post will be inspired by many friends whom I admire very, very much.

Forgiveness is a notion that I have found most tricky in my nineteen years of life. I often find myself holding onto the pettiest of grudges, even years after the particular event has passed. I was never quite sure why I had such a difficult time letting things go... Perhaps, after witnessing such compelling acts of forgiveness, a new light is shed on my perspective.

As juvenile as it may sound, maybe I should get a tattoo... A constant reminder. Something that would tell me every day to "live and let die," so to speak. Oh, I can hear my Catholic father weeping at this very moment...

But, he'll forgive me.

Us

2010-02-07T17:59:00.001-08:00

We're living in a den of thieves,
Rummaging through answers in the pages.
We're living in a den of thieves,
And it's contagious.

For the first time, in perhaps a very long time, I am feeling as if I have good fortune.

If one is to believe in luck, then they know that they are most definitely lucky if they have experienced the kind of love that I have in my life. It is simply undeniable to know that you are in a good place when your lover -- and your friend -- has their arms tightly wrapped around you. When the both of you wake up for the sixth time that evening (compliments of your noisy neighbours, no less) and, instead of a grumpy exchange, whisper "I love you so much"... Well, you get the picture.

I will openly admit that I am a sap. But, I am a happy sap, none the less.

Fade Together

2010-01-25T09:40:00.000-08:00

So far away...
C'mon, I'll take you far away.
Let's get away.
C'mon, let's make a getaway.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, things don't turn out the way that you want them to.

Sometimes, after all of the fighting and the painful sacrifice, you still feel like you are left in the dark.

Sometimes, you just don't have it in you to be angry or hurt anymore. Sometimes, you end up being cold to the ones you love.

But, no matter what, you just have to make the best of things.

Hell

2010-01-12T15:40:00.000-08:00

City scapes, cities change before they die.

1901

2010-01-11T19:49:00.000-08:00

Falling, falling, falling, falling.

This is Z's art that she did by hand with real paper and pens. Z does not care if you don't like it.

Luca

2010-01-05T11:27:00.000-08:00

When I disappear, do you fear for the sister I took?

When I disappear, it is clear I am up to no good.

Perhaps more than any other time during the year, the holidays are filled with lists in order for us to stay organized. There are millions of lists written to Saint Nick, and in turn, millions of more lists written by parents so they can remember what to buy for their children. (I mean, of course Santa Clause exists, but mommy and daddy just want to buy you extra presents.) There are lists of whom to send Christmas cards to, and grocery lists of what to buy for the (dreaded) family dinner. But, after the Christmas rush has quieted -- you guessed it -- a couple more lists. New Year's resolutions, that rarely succeed, are mental lists reminding us to quit smoking and lose ten pounds. As I said, they rarely succeed. In spirit of the holidays we all love (and hate), I have decided to fill you in with my own lists.

The Ghost of Festivus Past

1) Exams

2) Terrible Flights

3) Christmas and 2010

4) Quality Love Time

The Ghost of Festivus Future

1) Niagara Falls

2) Oil Thigh

3) Montego Bay

4) Life

Pictures

1) Ed's Terrible Cat

2) Keskas Basement

3) J&J

4) Brave Friend

Fin.

Liberty and Freedom

2009-11-30T16:42:00.000-08:00

We will come back some day.

I am sorry, dear readers, for today I must announce that I will be on a blogging hiatus. There will be no updates until my exams are finished, which will be on December 21st. Wish me luck, please, because I most certainly will need it.

Until then!

Vices

2009-11-25T11:24:00.001-08:00

Those days are dead,
Forgive me.

Fear not children, I am here now. I know how hard it must have been, anxiety surging through you during those sleepless nights. When is Z going to post her pictures from her film camera!?

Oh, didn't I tell you I bought my first film camera? Well, then... It is a nifty little fisheye2, and it only cost me forty dollars. I am quite pleased.

Not all of my photos turned out exactly how I wanted them to, which is hard to believe, coming from a being of perfection such as myself. (If you actually think I'm serious, please get to know me better.) This roll of film was my trial run. Mental note: use the flash whenever possible!

I like film, because film is raw. You can't take a million pictures with your film camera, deleting the undesirable mistakes on your LCD screen. No, I think that film really measures a photographer, and I am quite eager to improve.

These photos were from last weekend. Some were from the Brand New concert, if any of you recognize the graffiti on the back of the Kool Haus. That's where we saw Jessie Lacey, up close and scruffy! A couple of these photos were taken after Gregory and I got our H1N1 vaccination. If any of you plan on getting it, I advise you do not have it done in your dominate arm. It was the least painful needle I have ever had, but my arm still hurts like a bitch.

Uh, I like trees? They're good for photosynthesis and stuff...

I was wondering how the music was on my blog. Is it too depressing and creepy? Probably. Anyway, if you have an opinion, let me know.

I probably won't be doing a self-portrait for a while, because I honestly can't think of any new concepts. Maybe you guys could help me out.

Well, that's all for today. It's time for my group to practice for our Cape audition. Gets who gets to be Batman in our superhero song? You guessed it.

Take it easy.

Daisy

2009-11-24T18:08:00.000-08:00

Well, if we take all these things and we bury them fast,
And we pray that they turn into seeds, to roots and to grass,
It'd be all right, all right.
It'd be easier that way.

Mom, stop nagging me! I know that I take too many pictures of my lips.

This is what I did today:

1) Woke up, felt like crap, ate some yogurt, and went back to bed.
2) Woke up again, had a shower, went to physiology, and I was bored.
3) Went to Metro, bought food, waited forever for the bus, came home.
4) Took a picture, blogged about it.
5) Listened to "Daisy" on Brand New's new album repeatedly.

Isn't my life exciting? I know how jealous all of you are, you don't have to tell me.

(Please tell me.)

Limousine

2009-11-23T10:35:00.000-08:00

Well, I love you so much.
But, do me a favour, baby; don't reply.

Finally, my time at the Clinical Education Centre is up. Until next year, crappy conservative clothing!

Wow, you could potentially stalk me with the information given in this photo. But, please don't, because it's just going to be awkward for everybody.

So, Gregory and I saw Brand New this weekend, and it was pretty freaking sweet. It's unfortunate that our forgetfulness... wait... Oh yeah, we forgot to buy earplugs, and there are no "ins and outs" at rock concerts anymore. However, I could have brought a knife into that concert with the oh-so-thorough bag searches they do.

My point is that we had to leave early because my ears were killing me.

I think the coolest part of the night was stalking Jessie Lacey. We were just taking some pictures outside of the Kool Haus, when the back doors open, and two scruffy looking men walk out to the Loblaws across the street. We looked at each other for a moment, thinking "no way." We pretended we were just taking pictures for a long time, hoping that they would come back, but it was a little creepy after ten minutes. Some time after that, we went into the Loblaws to get some warmth and food. (At least it's not snowing, unlike Thunder Bay, I bet.) Sure enough, we saw the band buying a lot of junk food. Since Greg was being such a pansy, I decided to man up and go talk to Jessie Lacey. He shook our hands and I blushed like a little school girl. He was really, really nice.

All of the above is true, except the part where Greg was a pansy and I manned up. It was the other way around.

I guess I always thought that Jessie Lacey would be a bit of a dick, just because of his lyrics. He proved me wrong. Dammit, I like being judgmental!

Physiology time. Word.

Buddy Holly

2009-11-16T19:34:00.000-08:00

Woo-ee-oo, I look just like Buddy Holly.
Oh, oh, and you're Mary Taylor Moore.
I don't care what they say about us anyway.
I don't care about that.

If I actually cared, I would have spent more than two seconds editing this photo. But, guess what? I don't care, and I like it!

(That's the nutrition assignment talking, by the way.)

Hey mom and dad, meet my not-so-new boyfriend. Gregory is a wonderful little grizzly bear who happened to raid my campsite almost four years ago. Even though our friendship and relationship has been put to many tests, we have always come out victorious. I can't really say much else, other than that he is everything to me. You should check out his blog, because he can use words in ways that I could only hope to.

You know what else makes Greg cool? The fact that he named his dwarf hamster Thor.

I suppose I should finish this assignment before it kicks my ass even harder. At university, sleep seems like a thing of the past. Sorry I haven't been updating on a regular basis, for those who care. Nursing is really, really sucking the life out of me. I think if I can scrape by first year, I will be very, very proud of myself.

Not much longer until Christmas. I can't wait to go home again.

I need a Coke.

I need some sleep.

I need to start doing what I want.

I need to finish this post.

Later days.

Monster Hospital

2009-11-09T15:21:00.000-08:00

I've been bad.

Does anybody want to set up a fund to buy me a new camera? Anybody?

Just Because

2009-11-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

You, oh, you really should have known.

Dear Mister Bass Guitar,

Once again, I find myself falling in love with you...

Your mistress,

Z

Cosmic Love

2009-11-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out.

Greetings, follower(s). Did you miss me?

I had quite the exciting week, and thus I was too lazy to update. My favourite people in the world came to visit me, at the same time! My boyfriend left Thursday, and my best friend just left today. Now that I am all by my lonesome, I can tell you about the adventures I had.

My friend and I went downtown yesterday to do some extensive shopping. Okay, by extensive shopping, I mean I watched her shop for about three hours. I had fun, though. It was like the good ole days back in the Bay.

We went for a late lunch at an extremely Asian restaurant. When I mean "extremely Asian," I mean that they had karaoke music playing the entire time we were there, even though nobody was singing. It started to get on my nerves, to be honest. Thankfully, the delicious food they served distracted me from the sheer pain that my ears were enduring.

We ordered many fabulous things, such as miso soup (not pictured), a cherry blossom roll (right), a dragon roll (left), and a... I don't remember what it was called (left). The cherry blossom roll was definitely our favourite. The mystery roll consisted of crab, mango, and yogurt, which was surprisingly tasty. I don't think I'd order it again, though.

After that, we did some more shopping. Who would have guessed, right? I bought a really pretty dress and some nice nail polish, and I will be sure to post pictures of both later.

We discovered a little indie movie theatre, too! We saw the movie "Bright Star," which was based on the romance between John Keats and Fanny Brawne. Just for the record, it was a heartbreaker.

I also got drunk, which will not be explained in great detail. I know, I know, it's a tragedy.

I will resume my self-portrait challenge tomorrow, we'll say.

Cheerio!

But It's Better If You Do

2009-10-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret...

What a fool I am to think that one of those taxis might be you coming to sweep me off of my feet. How stupid it is to wonder if you have written about me somewhere. I know what the answers are, and for some reason, I keep wishing they will change. But, they won't, because it was me who had to change my entirety for you.

I won't be Romeo anymore. I won't come to you, crying, saying that I miss you and telling you how I'm sorry. I won't, because you don't know what it's like to chase somebody the way I have chased you for four years. Oh, except for your ex-girlfriend of three months.

This is the last thing I will write about you.

Anyway, Happy Halloween.

Old Friend

2009-10-30T12:32:00.000-07:00

Good morning, heartache. You're like an old friend, come and see me again.

This is Oswin. Oswin is my unconventional teddy bear, so to speak. Oswin understands that I want to shave my head and be in a punk rock band. Oswin assures me that I will not fail my psychology midterm today. Thanks, Oswin!

Disorder and Dissarray

2009-10-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

Show me numbers that I understand.

I studied ten hours for my midterm, and I got 65.7%.

I'm not sure if university is for me.

Los Angeles Is Burning

2009-10-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

This is not a test of the emergency broadcast system.

I know what you're thinking, and yes, it is Clinique Angelic!

*laughter* *applause*

Well folks, it's that time of year again. No, it's not Halloween! It's flu season! The most wonderful time of the year! So, this year, I figure that I'll be giving out chewable vitamin C tablets for Halloween instead of candy. Amirite?

(I am not right.)

You Only Live Once

2009-10-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

Twenty ways to see the world, oh, twenty ways to start a fight...

When you have two midterms in one day, a nice shower is the ultimate form of relaxation.

That's all for now.

Everytime I Look For You

2009-10-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

Betray my short attention span the distance.

As I drown deeper and deeper into the sea of midterms, I try and hold onto something, anything, for support. Reaching out, I grasp something familiar with my feeble hands, dragging it down into the raging waters with me... Wait, something familiar? Nothing should feel familiar here... Suddenly, realization hits me in the stomach, sending a shock throughout my body. It's... No, it can't be... Could it be my...

... diet?

In relation to the story and my second self-portrait (which made me drool all over the place in the process, thank you), yes, I have been neglecting my diet. Normally, I eat pretty healthy, and I usually make sure to get at least five servings of vegetables and fruit a day. But, as it is with a busy schedule, those delicious microwave dishes that are brimming with sodium call out to me. We all have our own siren song, people.

Also, the look on my face asks "How come I'm not eating Kraft Dinner!?"

Still Take You Home

2009-10-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

Fancy seeing you in here, you're all tarted up and you don't look the same...

Hello lovelies. My name is Zoe, and introductions are not my forte.

I do the things a normal Canadian girl my age does. I hang out with my boyfriend and my friends, I go to university, I attempt to do my studies well, I listen to good music, I love taking photographs, and I occasionally take my top off and sing Stevie Nicks' songs when I'm drunk.

(Joking about the last bit.)

I use a Kodak EasyShare C813, which is by no means a professional camera. I use Windows Photo Gallery to edit my photos, which is by no means a professional program. But, I make due. I enjoy constructive criticism when it comes to my photographs, and if you would like to share, it would be appreciated!

I'm going to try the 365 Self-Portrait Challenge, so you will be sure to see me being a big narcissist throughout the course of this blog.

But, for now, there is a sleep party in my bed and none of you are invited.

Ciao!